Create the circles of confidence in your Public Communication
How to create it?
Nurture! Nurture and nurture is the answer.
Let me share you the story of one of my pet dog, Cheese cake, a cute looking golden and white Maltese
and Javanese mixed breed. He was abandoned by his owner, left with a friend , there the dog was
mistreated , beaten up ,tortured for sadistic pleasure somehow rescued by a vet known to me and gave
the dog up for adoption to me. The dog was so aggressive that he would even bite us even if we want to
pet him, to put a leash around him and taking him out for walks is a whole day nuisance. He would hide,
if we tried to go near him he would bite. We spoke to the Vet and he referred to veterinary behaviorists,
who explained that with a constant abuse that he went through, his mind is conditioned to think that
people will hurt him so he is always defensive.
So now what give him up? The dog’s behavior was too much to deal with him, with our hands already
full. My younger daughter started crying, mummy why can’t we train him, Hmm it’s not easy. Any way
consulted the Behaviorist and decided let’s give it a try , we tried to slowly develop his trust ,creating
peaceful experience & thus build a circle of confidence with him, we avoided much of contact with him,
except for grooming, and spent more time interacting with him got him toys to play with.
We would offer him treats in a special bowl which we kept at a certain cozy corner of the room, we
conditioned him to feel very good at that corner as he would get his tasty bites there.Asked him for his
paws every time we treated him, slowly he developed the confidence, his phobia of being abused
lessened, he now started coming up to us for a belly rub & will sit next to us.
The circle of confidence we built for him is working. You know what? It works for humans too.
If in the past you have been ridiculed or yelled at, lost opportunities, for your lack of
communications, missed out on many job interviews, stayed away from groups , shy of
yourself for not able to communicate, at one point you feel that you have developed
Scopophobia, it is an unusual anxious feeling in a circumstances where you are likely to
be the center of attention, then, you need to break the feeling & Same way to start with
small steps for you, if you are shy to get any attention while you speak , give a
presentation or not confident to speaking up in a group or a speech in public , here is
what you do each day , fully absorb in the process & build your circle of confidence ,
Remember you need layers after layers of confidence it becomes so thickly woven that
it cannot than break under any circumstances.
So this is how you start each day, draw a circle in the corner of your room, big enough for you to step into
it. Step into the circle and imagine that every good things happen to yourself, make this a 50 second habit
for you each day, this is powerful tool, it is used as a spatial anchor & instill a new way of creating good
feeling factors in your mind, creates confidence through visualization or memories, which leads to risen
of a new different behavior. Remember the last time you danced , dined with your family , hugged your
mom , or dream of dancing with your favorite celebrity , just about anything , when you create the
feeling, you smile to yourself that releases a chemical in the brain which are called dopamine and
serotonin ,dopamine increase the feeling of happiness, pleasure , this chemical is a reward system for
brain and serotonin reduces stress. Also this signals to your brain to do it again.
After 2 weeks of stepping into the circle of excellence , start making extempore speech and recording it
while being in the circle, continue this practice for a 30 days without fail, 5 sentence on anything , choose
any random and simple topics like 5 attributes of your parents , belief it every one of us can talk 5
sentences about our parents , the next day talk about yourself , next imagine 5 sentence of how you want
your day to be and speak , speak with passion , get excited for what you imagine.
Then next 30 days, increase the time to 90 seconds, every day work on specific topics that you can
imagine. You can create a small calendar of topics for yourself if that makes it easy for you every
morning
Start talking 5 sentences only. Let the sentence be divided in the ratio, (1:3:1) Greetings. (1 sentence),
Content (3 sentences) and closing (1 sentence), Remember this Code in Public speaking, very useful for
the beginners, GCC131. Full form of GCC, Greetings, Content & Conclusions, the Ration 1:3:1, you can
slowly increase to 1:5:1, 1:6:1, as time pass by , which means you can go on increasing your content as
your confidence increases,
So let’s take an example of (GCC131) you imagine you have been invited for a friend’s wedding and
you have to say few things to raise a wedding toast , so a brief outline will be , congratulating the
Newly Weds addressing both the partners,( 1 sentence) Explain your relationship to the couple,(2
sentence) Tell an anecdote( 1 sentence),( anecdote is a short amusing real story , facts of the person)
Best Wishes &raise your glass and toast( 1 sentence)
After 60 days, increase the time to 190 seconds start recording what you say, choose topics that are
relevant for your work , presentation and public interest , this time , watch what you wear , look at your
clothes, hair do, look good before you step into the circle and yes of course watch your body language ,
these are the 5 things that you need to watch out for a good pleasant smile while talking , have imaginary
audience or better still , look into the camera, use hand gestures while you communicate, ensure your
body faces the camera while you talk , remember the camera is your imaginary audience, stop fidgeting ,
like touching your hair, lips ,scratching etc.
People ask why is dressing, hairdo & body language important, yes it is when you talk people will look at
you albeit they will look at what you wear, how you look, how you talk, and what you talk .Remember in
one of my previous articles in Image and Etiquettes, I have explained it takes just a few seconds to make a
first impression so you want that few seconds to make a solid powerful & a lasting impression of
yourself.
By the end of 90 days you are confident at all times you do not need to get into the circle , you have built
it around you & is now ready to give back to the society and to yourself , join the various Toast Masters
Clubs, Meet Up groups, make a nice Digital profile of yourself , create your Vision and Mission
statements , aligning with what you aim to achieve, Weather employed or self employed you will still
enjoy the benefits . Narrate your journey from where you started, a story is a great start, people loves
stories. Be a role model to someone and celebrate your success.
Another question, very often asked is why 90 days, why not less? I feel from my experience there is no
short cuts in Life, if you feel insufficient of your vocabulary, lack the confidence and have the phobia of
speaking in Public, and you think it’s a quick fix you can do, the answer there are exceptions but it is a
general NO, you have to condition your mind & body to remove the fear and enjoy communicating,
sharing your thought s, ideas and experience or sharing your message with the audience.
You can do a self learning and transformation but it’s wiser to learn from an expert, hire Mentor or attend
a course. With a right Mentor it will be not just be learning but you can also lead. You want us to hold
your hands and guide you through, visit us at www.getcrr.co.in or message us on 00919650044866
